Song Theme
There is a delicious kind of night vision only lovers have. I was delighted to finally discover a satisfactory explanation for why I, and the majority of women prefer to have sex in the dark. Psychologically and spiritually we are attempting to connect with our bodies more intimately, not merely to hide them. This makes a lot of sense to me. Something about the darkness hightens the senses and takes you deeper. This song feels like the beginning of my exploration into what we can see and feel more intimately and intensely in our bodies with the lights off, gaze fixed within… and if you are religiously or spiritually inclined… on Him + him (or her).
The demo
What you can hear in this demo has taken weeks to emerge. The theme has been circling me to the point of distraction! Pulling over into lay-bys to try and catch snippets of lyrics streaming through and scribbling re-writes ad nauseam. I’ve hit record over and over again while I sit with my guitar and a gut feeling just waiting for God to give me something… and today was the day. I took an early morning walk and he whispered “those eyes I want to pray into” and I knew we had it…
Song Lyrics
those eyes i want to
pray into
while he’s bringing me to you
i feel you
watching every move now
get me to
where i like to
promise not to
take my eyes off you
show me what love can do
don’t let me leave your sight
cause i want him to see me
like you do at night
turn out the light
He’s bringing me to you
Recently I was surprised to hear a priest I enjoy listening to proclaim, perhaps rather controversially, that it is the man’s role to bring the woman to God. I’ll speak for myself when I say this resonates with my heart very deeply. The young girl and growing woman in me felt a constant ache to be lifted higher by the boys and men around me that didn’t seem to know how. I wasn’t sure why I had such an insatiable longing to be upheld by a man. I quietly prayed that he might have the self possession not to touch me or my body if he couldn’t take me to God. Of course, my ability to articulate that has taken some twenty years to understand. Catholic Theology has been the missing piece for me in terms of unpacking the spiritual demands on each of us to maintain the dignity of the other.
I feel you watching every move
I like to feel God’s eyes on me (most of the time!). There is an intimacy and love that he created us in that desires to be gazed upon, delighted in. The longing in human beings to be seen and heard is at a screeching high in our modern lives. Personally I have found great relief in more consciously and readily receiving God’s gaze and realising it satisfies and even curbs much of the need in me to be seen and understood by others. I love his promise that his eyes are fixed on me, knowing that and really believing it can bring so much comfort on the days when feeling invisible and worthless set in.
Don’t let me leave your sight
This line reveals an ongoing conversation I am in with God. One in which I continue to turn away from him and attempt to evade his sight. It’s a kind of plea from me to him not to let me leave, but of course, I know his perfect love always lets me go! There are so many things I now realise I have to turn away from him to carry out. The important turnaround for me in those moments is to attempt to be delightful in his eyes. To genuinely be curious about what God would prefer and choose for me has been life changing. When I utilise that thought as an Examination of Conscience it becomes a beautiful practice, to simply create a life that is pleasing to Him.
I want him to see me like you do at night
This line is still landing for me but it’s connected to the songs title more intimately. I’m eluding to enjoying what God sees in me, in the dark, and desiring to be seen the same way by a man. He created us in the darkness of our mother’s womb, in secret, and something about God’s best work being carried out in the dark tells me a lot about the kind of creative genius he possesses. Most of us know by a certain point in our lives that our light comes from the darkest periods of our lives. It strikes me that God is incredibly consistent with how his creations create. And there is nothing more creative in my eyes than how a man and a woman come together in the dark, the generative and unitive power of their Union before God ultimately leads to human life… I’m playing with that idea here. I can also feel how the line is hinting toward a woman’s desire to be worshipped by a man… and to have the opportunity to adore him with all her heart, specifically through her innate capacity for depth and the incredible light it shines in his darkness.
Turn out the light
I think the subtext of this is sensual, no? I love that it’s simultaneously the last thing we do at night and also perchance a prelude to more... I couldn’t really write about making love songs without hinting at their inspiration. Today feels like a fitting day to sing to both.
Location
Song written at home in my bedroom on St Valentine’s day. Picture courtesy of my 9 year old daughter who made some love heart chocolates for the family.
From your Valentine x